no games

so i just don't get it. first i think this guy is sorta interested in me awhile back, then he doesn't really pay attention to me much so I figure I was totally wrong, then he says something kinda weird a couple of weeks ago and I think... maybe he is actually interested? Well I talk about it with my friend and she provides an alternate explanation. Which makes perfect sense. I could being seeing my friendship with this guy in completely the wrong context. I think that him and I are not really that great of friends, but maybe he thinks we are better friends than I think we are. So all of the awkwardness that has happened is really on my end because I think he is interested, when really he is just being himself around one of his good friends. Well then he starts sending me some random comments on this internet thing and tonight he says, I don't have your number, can I get it. but then, he asks for a bunch of other people's phone numbers too. So then I wonder, what is really going on here? Did he really just need my number because I am his good friend and he didn't have my number? Then in front of me, he calls to his friend and says he just texted some girl and asked her out to coffee and his friend gives him the right on sign. So is he just playing some sort of game so I will be jealous? Or am I really thinking too much about this? I seriously am tired of thinking. And am tired of guys playing games. And just tires of guys, they are confusing.

i have a question

So hypothetically... if you did not receive a Christmas gift, or even a card from your mother for Christmas, but knew that she purchased gifts for her friend and her friend's dog... do you think there is something wrong?

be wise, be ready.

when you least expect it, someone important (i.e. the boss) will come and check up on you just to see how everything is going. When times tend to be slow around the office, let's say work will get pushed aside because you figure you can get it done so quickly that there is no need to hurry. why not just play around on the computer, or make a couple personal phone calls, or play an on-line game, or heck update your blog page. No big deal right? The work will get done eventually...
Well... the boss could potentially come to check in on your work progress anytime he/or she wants, so why are you putting it off? So you may be a little bored, or maybe burnt out, or maybe you are just addicted to on-line gaming. Regardless you are getting rewarding monetarily for your time spent at work. So why not work really hard to get it done first thing. Better yet, get it done but strive to make it better than your boss expected. Don't you think impressing your boss is a far better use of our time than wasting it on addictinggames.com? Plus, impressing your boss makes better for you. It eventually can lead to a raise, bonuses and great recommendations within your industry.
i'm not sure why I am going off on this, but I know we all experience this at some point or another. the moment of being caught off guard. Not being fully prepared. What if you blew the opportunity of a lifetime because you weren't ready? Because you wasted 6.5 hours of the day and now when you finally read what you have to do you find out you already missed the deadline to send the portfolios in to be printed and bound. What if everything the boss needed for a major presentation the next day rested on your shoulders and because you waited until the last second, you just blew his shot on gaining a new client? It could happen. It does happen. I don't want it to happen to be. I don't like the feeling of being irresponsible or being looked down upon. I want people to look at me and have confidence in me, knowing that they can rely on me to get the job done. Don't you want to be that person too?

the lack thereof

what do you do when you have so much you want to accomplish but no motivation to do it? do you ever have that feeling? i have so much i want to do and more that i actually need to do, but i can't bring myself to do any of it because i've lost my motivation to trudge forward. where oh where can i find it? any suggestions? this lack of motivation to accomplish all the things that are musts and even the things that are wants, is becoming depressing.

germ-phobia.

ok, so i have issues with sharing drinks and utensils and such with people. now imagine going out to get some coffee with a bunch of people and having someone you hardly know sticking their mouth on your straw without asking. gross, right? And it happened!!! so my coffee drink tasted kinda gross and i told my really good friend and she tasted it, which i was kinda grossed out by and she apologized she always forgets that I don't like sharing stuff. But we're good friends so I can put it in the past, and I was thinking maybe i'll get a new straw. But I also kinda didn't mind as much because I needed someone to agree with me and say, yes this drink was made weird. well then this guy who i sorta know, but not really well, heard me talking with my friend about my drink situation, was like, oh let me see and then he put his mouth on my straw and tried it! What the heck?? Well, I ended up throwing the drink away and getting a new one.

maybe I should take a self-defense class...

Ok, so today I went to the post office and stood in line. But then I realized shoot! I need to fill out a form. So I went to the little form stand, filled out the forms and got back in line. There were two people in front of me, so it wasn't like I was going to have to wait a long time or anything. However, I didn't get a lot of sleep and I didn't have a lot to eat so I felt a little sick. So... I was resting my head and arms on the package and then let out a big sigh. Well I guess I looked really bored or something because the guy behind me asks "You've been waiting long?" "No, just a couple of minutes." Then I turn back around and mind my own business. Then I hear "Yeah, I don't like waiting in lines, I avoid it whenever possible." Hmm... ok. You've only been here for less than a minute, but that's cool. But maybe he was just trying to say something to make me feel better because obviously I looked bored, so I replied "It's not too bad, I'm just not feeling well, so it's kind of a drag." Then I attempt to smile and turn back around. Less than 20 seconds later I hear "So, you from back east?" What does that even mean? Actually that reminds me of the time that some high schooler tried to pick-up my friend and I by driving up next to our car, signalling us to roll down the window and then ask if we were from Oregon. Then he asks what we are doing and my friend proceeds to shut him down by saying "Nothing that includes you." Anyways I can't help but tell the truth, "No." "Oh so, you're from here." "Yep." and then what do I do? I have to open my mouth trying to be nice and say "I get that a lot, people think I'm from the East Coast, like Connecticut." Then he says "yeah you kinda seem a little mid-western". Oh ok. Pathetic smile and turn back around. I hear that voice again "I'm from Ohio". Nicole, just end the conversation. All you have to say is "That's nice." Do I? No. I blurt out, "Oh my mom was born in Ohio." Then I hear "What part?" answer spews from my lips "Warren." "Oh ok."

Finally!! It's my turn at the window. And the whole time I'm there I can't help but think I was very curt, maybe I was too rude to that guy. Because now I hear him striking up conversation with other people. What would Jesus have done Nicole? He would have been nice! It's just that guy gave me the creepster vibe. He seemed to be around 40 or so, balding, short, glasses, Caucasian... I feel like this is a police line-up. Anyways, so as I am about to leave I see him taping up a package at that form counter, so I have one more chance to be nice "Have a nice day" I say to him. "Oh, you too." I reach the door and I hear "Um..." Did I hear that right? No... keep walking. Just keep walking. Alright, just alking outside, down the steps. "Hey my name is Paul." oh man. Turn around "Oh, ok." And it could have ended there if I had just said something like nice to meet you, bye. But then he says "What's your name?" Lie Nicole, make-up something. "Nicole". No!!!! i felt like hitting myself on the head. "Do you want to get coffee sometime?" Whoa..... i felt like I just slipped on a banana peel and had the wind knocked out of me, weird. "No, thanks". Wave. Walk away. What the heck? What is the deal? I just, uh, I am seriously speechless. Wait, question, this is not even a joke...why on this beautiful earth do pedafiles/creepy guys hit on me/take interest in me. This is gross, but kinda funny/but not really, but maybe I should take a self-defense class just in case.

new title

so i went to the hospital and had to check in at the registration desk. and the lady was asking me a bunch of questions for the medical papers. when it came to "occupation" i suddenly became depressed with having to say "yeah I'm unemployed." What was worse was when she didn't believe me and she said but you're a student though right? And I said No, I'm unemployed. And she's like a student though. And I'm thinking admitting that I am jobless has already deflated my self-esteem, how many more times do I have to say this to you?? And when acquantences ask me "what's up" and "where are you working now that you've graduated college?", I still have a really hard time saying "yeah about that, I'm unemployed." It just sounds so tacky. These people have no idea how hard I have been working at finding a job, or how hard I worked during school. So when I say I am unemployed I just feel like I am a major let down to society. So..... I have come up with a new title to say when people ask what I am up to/where I am working. Well now I say, "oh actually I freelance." And I say it with a plastered smile. And after smiling for about 30 seconds pretty much everyone understands that I have come up with a wicked awesome new title for the life of the unemployed. Way less embarassing too. It's also less depressing because you don't have to be constantly reminded that you don't have stable employment. Instead you just think of yourself as constantly on the search, Its definitely a more positive job title.