coins

i need money.

Amalgamate

that is the best word ever. p.s. in case you don't know what that means let me give you the definition: verb- combine or unite to form one organization or structure. ORIGIN- early 17th century: from medieval Latin, from the verb amalgamare. Ok, so now that you know what the word means... this is why I am using it: um, it's awesome. And, I am going to be writing about numerous topics that are uniting together in one post. Yes, it's an amalgamation. MMMhmmm.

Alright, so first off, health insurance is lame. I am actually over it. but I just thought I would throw it out there. So I qualify for what's called COBRA, which is awesome. However, it's $475 a month, which is not so awesome. So I thought, what the heck I will apply for an individual plan through Blue Cross to try and save the money that I don't have, right? Well I was denied because of some pre-existing conditions I have. Well I talked to my sales agent previously and said look, I have this pre-existing thing, and do you really think I have a shot at get accepted because if I don't I don't want to waste time here and apply. he said yes you do, the premiums will most likely just be a little bit more expensive. LIAR!!! I was rejected. So at first, I was so distraught. Then I was angry at him for lying. Then I realized ok, well there are public options, through the county and through the State. But, they are really bad. I mean, if you don't have anything, it's better to have them. But the doctor's I have are great and I don't want to have to switch doctor's who don't know my health history and I have tot start everything all over with. So now I am trying to figure out what to do. it's really frustrating and I know there are tons of other people in this same situation. So I have 22.5 days left to figure it out. Wish me luck!

New Topic:
Well, this really great opportunity came up to go to Germany. it would be on a Missions trip with Church and the purpose of the trip is entirely as a service opportunity for a Missionary couple we support in Germany. They currently run an organization where tons of short-term groups come to stay with them throughout the year as well they are a central hub for other missionaries who come and go. And they don't have a permanent office or residence halls to house the short term groups. So recently they acquired a 120-year-old barn that they are converting into an office building and lofts. Most of the trip will be to help with dry-wall installation and painting. As well just encouraging our missionary family (who this will be the first time anyone from our church has been to visit them in their location). We also will have a day of solitude/hiking in the Swiss-Alps and we may even get the opportunity to be in Rome during the Vatican's 2000th birthday celebration of Paul.

I've been thinking a lot about this and it seemed like a really great trip, one of service and encouragement. I've never been out of North America and lately I've really started to understand that there is more to this life than just me; that I am here for a purpose and what do I do all day? I go to work and I go home. Shouldn't I be doing more for my creator? Well the thing that had been weighing on my mind about this trip was the cost and I felt really awkward about asking people for support money. And trying to find $3,000 from a pretty non-existent travel budget is not going to happen, especially when I don't have money for health insurance. but then it occurred to me, and I am just spilling my guts out loud here for a second... So If this life is not about me, and I am just a tool in God's hand, this trip to Germany is not about me; it's not for me. This trip is about serving God and giving glory to Him. If it's His will that I should be used for His kingdom over there and the gifts that He has given me will be best used over there as well, why should I let money stop that? And how foolish am I to take the opportunity away for someone who is blessed by giving financially for God's kingdom, by not presenting this opportunity to them? Obviously if I know someone would feel awkward about it, then I wouldn't ask them to give, but the way I see it now is that we all become a team together, serving God. Those who can use their financial gifts, those who are in prayer and those who perform the manual service, we are all in that service together. I don't know how I could have been so blind before. I feel so amazed what God can teach me when I open my heart. However, I still don't know if I should be going on this trip or not because it is a big commitment of time and it came about very last minute. So even though it's possible to get in the application in, the finances I would lose for the two weeks on the trip are still something I need to take into consideration. But I still feel like a hypocrite sometimes. I ask for opportunities to serve, and then opportunities come and I feel like I am holding out. I just don't know the differences between open doors or advertisements meant for someone else. I guess I won't know until I inquire further. but if anyone has some sort of sign.... that would be most helpful right about now!

tool on the roof

7:45AM. seriously? it's 7:45 in the AM and i hear banging on my roof. what is that all about? 1st off, i am supposed to have 15 more minutes to sleep and 2nd off, who are you and what are you doing on my roof?
i live in a complex so there is a possibility that there could be scheduled work going on. and we did get notice for work to be done on the carport roofs. but there was never a notice for the tenant's roofs to be worked on and on top of that our whole roof was blown off like 5 years ago and replaced... so again, who are you and what are you doing?
so seriously. i asked this man who he was. i thought he might be with time warner because we are upgrading cable this weekend but he said he wasn't. and even so, cable guys shouldn't be on the roof. so that was weird. so he said he wasn't with time warner and i said who are you and what are you doing? i think that kinda took him off guard. he said "i'm putting tools on the roof". what ever does that even mean? sketchy!!
you are putting tools on the roof? for what? why? and he had a bucket. awkward. seriously. but maybe he just didn't have the right words to explain what he was doing. well bucko... you better watch yourself because I have my eye on you. I'm on to you. "tools on the roof", fat chance.

no games

so i just don't get it. first i think this guy is sorta interested in me awhile back, then he doesn't really pay attention to me much so I figure I was totally wrong, then he says something kinda weird a couple of weeks ago and I think... maybe he is actually interested? Well I talk about it with my friend and she provides an alternate explanation. Which makes perfect sense. I could being seeing my friendship with this guy in completely the wrong context. I think that him and I are not really that great of friends, but maybe he thinks we are better friends than I think we are. So all of the awkwardness that has happened is really on my end because I think he is interested, when really he is just being himself around one of his good friends. Well then he starts sending me some random comments on this internet thing and tonight he says, I don't have your number, can I get it. but then, he asks for a bunch of other people's phone numbers too. So then I wonder, what is really going on here? Did he really just need my number because I am his good friend and he didn't have my number? Then in front of me, he calls to his friend and says he just texted some girl and asked her out to coffee and his friend gives him the right on sign. So is he just playing some sort of game so I will be jealous? Or am I really thinking too much about this? I seriously am tired of thinking. And am tired of guys playing games. And just tires of guys, they are confusing.

i have a question

So hypothetically... if you did not receive a Christmas gift, or even a card from your mother for Christmas, but knew that she purchased gifts for her friend and her friend's dog... do you think there is something wrong?

be wise, be ready.

when you least expect it, someone important (i.e. the boss) will come and check up on you just to see how everything is going. When times tend to be slow around the office, let's say work will get pushed aside because you figure you can get it done so quickly that there is no need to hurry. why not just play around on the computer, or make a couple personal phone calls, or play an on-line game, or heck update your blog page. No big deal right? The work will get done eventually...
Well... the boss could potentially come to check in on your work progress anytime he/or she wants, so why are you putting it off? So you may be a little bored, or maybe burnt out, or maybe you are just addicted to on-line gaming. Regardless you are getting rewarding monetarily for your time spent at work. So why not work really hard to get it done first thing. Better yet, get it done but strive to make it better than your boss expected. Don't you think impressing your boss is a far better use of our time than wasting it on addictinggames.com? Plus, impressing your boss makes better for you. It eventually can lead to a raise, bonuses and great recommendations within your industry.
i'm not sure why I am going off on this, but I know we all experience this at some point or another. the moment of being caught off guard. Not being fully prepared. What if you blew the opportunity of a lifetime because you weren't ready? Because you wasted 6.5 hours of the day and now when you finally read what you have to do you find out you already missed the deadline to send the portfolios in to be printed and bound. What if everything the boss needed for a major presentation the next day rested on your shoulders and because you waited until the last second, you just blew his shot on gaining a new client? It could happen. It does happen. I don't want it to happen to be. I don't like the feeling of being irresponsible or being looked down upon. I want people to look at me and have confidence in me, knowing that they can rely on me to get the job done. Don't you want to be that person too?

the lack thereof

what do you do when you have so much you want to accomplish but no motivation to do it? do you ever have that feeling? i have so much i want to do and more that i actually need to do, but i can't bring myself to do any of it because i've lost my motivation to trudge forward. where oh where can i find it? any suggestions? this lack of motivation to accomplish all the things that are musts and even the things that are wants, is becoming depressing.