germ-phobia.

ok, so i have issues with sharing drinks and utensils and such with people. now imagine going out to get some coffee with a bunch of people and having someone you hardly know sticking their mouth on your straw without asking. gross, right? And it happened!!! so my coffee drink tasted kinda gross and i told my really good friend and she tasted it, which i was kinda grossed out by and she apologized she always forgets that I don't like sharing stuff. But we're good friends so I can put it in the past, and I was thinking maybe i'll get a new straw. But I also kinda didn't mind as much because I needed someone to agree with me and say, yes this drink was made weird. well then this guy who i sorta know, but not really well, heard me talking with my friend about my drink situation, was like, oh let me see and then he put his mouth on my straw and tried it! What the heck?? Well, I ended up throwing the drink away and getting a new one.

maybe I should take a self-defense class...

Ok, so today I went to the post office and stood in line. But then I realized shoot! I need to fill out a form. So I went to the little form stand, filled out the forms and got back in line. There were two people in front of me, so it wasn't like I was going to have to wait a long time or anything. However, I didn't get a lot of sleep and I didn't have a lot to eat so I felt a little sick. So... I was resting my head and arms on the package and then let out a big sigh. Well I guess I looked really bored or something because the guy behind me asks "You've been waiting long?" "No, just a couple of minutes." Then I turn back around and mind my own business. Then I hear "Yeah, I don't like waiting in lines, I avoid it whenever possible." Hmm... ok. You've only been here for less than a minute, but that's cool. But maybe he was just trying to say something to make me feel better because obviously I looked bored, so I replied "It's not too bad, I'm just not feeling well, so it's kind of a drag." Then I attempt to smile and turn back around. Less than 20 seconds later I hear "So, you from back east?" What does that even mean? Actually that reminds me of the time that some high schooler tried to pick-up my friend and I by driving up next to our car, signalling us to roll down the window and then ask if we were from Oregon. Then he asks what we are doing and my friend proceeds to shut him down by saying "Nothing that includes you." Anyways I can't help but tell the truth, "No." "Oh so, you're from here." "Yep." and then what do I do? I have to open my mouth trying to be nice and say "I get that a lot, people think I'm from the East Coast, like Connecticut." Then he says "yeah you kinda seem a little mid-western". Oh ok. Pathetic smile and turn back around. I hear that voice again "I'm from Ohio". Nicole, just end the conversation. All you have to say is "That's nice." Do I? No. I blurt out, "Oh my mom was born in Ohio." Then I hear "What part?" answer spews from my lips "Warren." "Oh ok."

Finally!! It's my turn at the window. And the whole time I'm there I can't help but think I was very curt, maybe I was too rude to that guy. Because now I hear him striking up conversation with other people. What would Jesus have done Nicole? He would have been nice! It's just that guy gave me the creepster vibe. He seemed to be around 40 or so, balding, short, glasses, Caucasian... I feel like this is a police line-up. Anyways, so as I am about to leave I see him taping up a package at that form counter, so I have one more chance to be nice "Have a nice day" I say to him. "Oh, you too." I reach the door and I hear "Um..." Did I hear that right? No... keep walking. Just keep walking. Alright, just alking outside, down the steps. "Hey my name is Paul." oh man. Turn around "Oh, ok." And it could have ended there if I had just said something like nice to meet you, bye. But then he says "What's your name?" Lie Nicole, make-up something. "Nicole". No!!!! i felt like hitting myself on the head. "Do you want to get coffee sometime?" Whoa..... i felt like I just slipped on a banana peel and had the wind knocked out of me, weird. "No, thanks". Wave. Walk away. What the heck? What is the deal? I just, uh, I am seriously speechless. Wait, question, this is not even a joke...why on this beautiful earth do pedafiles/creepy guys hit on me/take interest in me. This is gross, but kinda funny/but not really, but maybe I should take a self-defense class just in case.

new title

so i went to the hospital and had to check in at the registration desk. and the lady was asking me a bunch of questions for the medical papers. when it came to "occupation" i suddenly became depressed with having to say "yeah I'm unemployed." What was worse was when she didn't believe me and she said but you're a student though right? And I said No, I'm unemployed. And she's like a student though. And I'm thinking admitting that I am jobless has already deflated my self-esteem, how many more times do I have to say this to you?? And when acquantences ask me "what's up" and "where are you working now that you've graduated college?", I still have a really hard time saying "yeah about that, I'm unemployed." It just sounds so tacky. These people have no idea how hard I have been working at finding a job, or how hard I worked during school. So when I say I am unemployed I just feel like I am a major let down to society. So..... I have come up with a new title to say when people ask what I am up to/where I am working. Well now I say, "oh actually I freelance." And I say it with a plastered smile. And after smiling for about 30 seconds pretty much everyone understands that I have come up with a wicked awesome new title for the life of the unemployed. Way less embarassing too. It's also less depressing because you don't have to be constantly reminded that you don't have stable employment. Instead you just think of yourself as constantly on the search, Its definitely a more positive job title.

details

there are some things you are just better off not knowing. even when you have an inclination... sometimes sparing the details is awesome.

True Value

despite all the crazy things that have happened, I honestly have nothing to complain about. God is so Good.

"True value is not measured by what you own but by who loves you." -anonymous

the procrastination feeling

the feeling of procrastination. i tell myself i will not procrastinate and it doesn't work, i do it anyways. and when crunch time rolls around i find myself stressing out and freaking out. it's irritating because things begin to go crazy and not work out as smoothly as they should. they end up working out, just not as great as they could if i had done it weeks in advance. you know the feeling. bleh. well check this out:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2034405737

3AM traffic

alright, question... who likes traffic? Yeah and who likes it in the middle of the night? I know it is amazing. So picture this your flying on the freeway in the middle of the night because that's what you do, you fly because most people are sleeping at that time and then all of a sudden you see cones... bright orange cones in the lane to your left. So you move over a lane, no big deal. A minute later your five lane freeway is now reduced to four, and then three and then excuse me?!?! Brake lights? A pile of cars at a standstill in the middle of the night on the free way? And then you a sign flashing "freeway closed ahead." Oh joy. So now you find out that what you thought would be a glorious ride home to your comfy bed will be an extended stay on the freeway. Who knows when you will get to see that goose down pillow... because it will much longer than you anticipated.

So this freeway closure turns into an hour long nightmare because everyone is trying to merge into one lane. Those from your left and those who are just coming onto the freeway who didn't know the freeway would be closing in 3 exits. Ok stop. Who are the geniuses behind this freeway closure? Seriously. You are going to close a freeway and not tell anyone about this? Proceed to clog traffic late at night when people are already delirious--at their prime for causing vehicular accidents. I need to send someone some cookies right now because they deserve recognition for their ingenuity and strategic planning. Gotta love it.

Alright so anyways we're all going one mile an hour, right? And half of the people are idiots (well maybe smart depending on if they know where they are going) and get off before the freeway ends because they are tired of sitting in a standstill for 45 minutes. So they just get off at the 1st exit they can, they don't want to wait until the freeway actually closes. The problem with this is that everyone is tired of waiting so some people think they have the right to drive as fast as they can up the shoulder of the freeway and then squeeze into an open space in front of someone on the exit so they can make the light off the exit... as if they have been on the freeway longer than anyone else. Really? Have you? Because as far as I can tell, you may have just gotten on at the previous on ramp and you're just really selfish and can't stick it out like the rest of us. And I wish a cop to pull you over right now. Or I wish for my car to take on a life of it's own and to jump out into the shoulder and to block annoying people from trying to drive up the shoulder.

To be fair maybe they're rushing up the shoulder because of an unfortunate situation like having to pee really bad. Which I can understand. But, unfortunately I don't care because that's your fault for drinking so much in the first place. You need to wait like the rest of us. However, I do have some advice for you... 1) hold it 2) go back in time and order a side of fries instead of a soda or 3) pee in the cup that held the soda you just finished. you have options... all of which don't put others lives in danger. be smart.

ok so anyways i wait until the last possible exit i can to get off and what do i find? They close 4 lanes of the freeway for 4 miles for what? I couldn't even tell you. There were like 3 guys pretending to dig. Maybe they had a shovel. I saw some cars with fancy orange lights but they were off to the shoulder and I think they had a fog machine to appear like something was going on. This freeway has been "under construction" for like 10 years why do you need to close it every night? You're not even doing anything. And if you are, is it really necessary to cone of 4 lanes for four miles with nothing going on? It is excessive and it only makes more traffic at 2AM which actually is bad because people are sleepy and if people are on the road even longer while groggy there can be even more accidents. So just do the work during the day after 10AM. That makes more sense. I would rather have people alert and irritated and late for work then crashing because they are really tired for being out too late because they were stuck on the freeway for over an hour in the middle of the night.

Just something to think about.

my irritating quality for today: I whine a lot.
my redeeming quality for today: I like to smile.